Taming Tantrums & Meltdowns: Parenting Tips for a Calmer Household

Taming Tantrums & Meltdowns: Parenting Tips for a Calmer Household

Taming Tantrums & Meltdowns: Parenting Tips for a Calmer Household

Minneapolis Parent Coach Jen Kiss gives 3 tips to decrease meltdowns and tantrums

 

As a parent, you know meltdowns and tantrums have a way of ruling the roost when they are in full swing. Whether your goal is to stop tantrums and meltdowns before they occur or have a quicker resolution, here are 3 parenting tips to help you minimize tantrums and meltdowns.

 

Why does your child throw a tantrum or meltdown?

 

The key to minimizing tantrums and meltdowns is finding the source. To do this, you have to do some investigating about why your child’s behavior is occurring.

At first glance, you may think the answer is obvious. For instance you may think it was because they didn’t get their way. Or you may have no idea because it feels like it came out of nowhere. But the key to solving tantrums and meltdowns is to look a little deeper into your child’s reactions.

Because all behavior is communication. When your child has a meltdown or tantrum they are trying to communicate with you that they are struggling.

 

What Causes Tantrums & Meltdowns

Fear or Anxiety

 

A lot of tantrums are the result of fear or anxiety. From refusing to go to bed or school, to opposing everything you say, fear is often at the core of these very frustrating child behaviors.

Usually fear causes children to try to control their environment as a way to cope. This can show up as being rigid about what they will or won’t do, being clingy, avoiding certain places or people or becoming bossy and demanding. It can also show up as aggressive behavior because the child’s brain is trying to fight against the fear they are feeling.

 

Sensory Sensitivities

 

For a child who has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), autism or sensory sensitivities, the world can feel like a minefield. Children can become easily overwhelmed when tasked with something their bodies find uncomfortable.

As a result, many kids with sensory sensitivities use avoidance to manage their sensitivities. And when they can’t avoid, or they become overwhelmed by their senses, it results in a big meltdown.

 

Stress and Overwhelm

 

Kids are not immune to stress. In fact, stress often affects kids more because their ability to regulate their emotions, self-soothe, cope and have perspective are still developing.

When a child’s stress tolerance is reached the limited skills they do have go right out the window. This can result in tantrums with aggressive behavior or tantrums that involve running away or refusals.

 

Trauma

 

Big and scary events are not the only thing that creates trauma in a child. Trauma can be a lot of little events that add up over time or a single event. The nature of the event, whether it was overwhelming to your child and whether there was a caring adult to help relieve stress during or after the event, will determine whether a child experiences trauma.

If your child has a history of trauma, they are more likely to have tantrums and meltdowns. This is because their brain tends to be in a state of hypervigilence and stress because they are trying to avoid further trauma.

Like stress, trauma limits a child’s ability to control their actions when triggered. Trauma can be activated from everyday events or sensory stimulus, like smells. Trauma behaviors are usually much more extreme in their aggression or shut down. In addition, tantrums that stem from trauma can last for a very long time.

 

Neurodiversity Struggles

 

Children with learning disabilities and neurodiversity may struggle more with tantrums and meltdowns because their brain can’t do what is being asked of them. And while it may appear as your child being lazy or defiant, your child is actually neither of these things.

Executive functioning abilities, which includes focus and attention, impulse control, emotional regulation and predicting consequences, can be delayed or harder to master in children that have learning disabilities and neurodiversity. Research also indicates these children tend to experience anxiety and depression at a higher rate. And all of these factors can make tantrums and meltdowns occur more frequently.

 

Family  & Friend Friction

 

We are social creatures by nature. When a child is not connecting to the important people in their lives, it can set off behavior challenges and tantrums. This can appear as provoking and aggressive behavior to demand others pay attention to them.

If your child is struggling with tantrums, start by looking at your relationship. How much undivided connection time you are spending with your child? If your child is low on one-on-one time with you, make this a priority. Spending time with your child would be a good first step to reducing tantrums.

For tweens and teens, their main source for connection are their friends. Rejection by peers can lead to depression or significant behavior issues. If things seem fine in your relationship, check in to see how their friend relationships are going. Don’t push too hard, but let them know you are willing to talk any time.

 

Parenting Tips to Minimize Tantrums and Meltdowns

 

Now that you know the why, here are 3 parenting tips to help with tantrums and meltdowns.

 

1. Spend 5 minutes a day connecting with your child

 

This time should be planned into your day the same way an important meeting would be. This time is spent doing whatever your child would like to do or talk about. Make sure to keep the time uninterrupted. If you need to interrupt your time to deal with something urgent, let your child know and make sure to circle back later.

 

2. Reflect back to your child so they know you understand their struggles

 

Whether your child is struggling with fear, stress, neurodiversity or sensory sensitivities, acknowledging what they are feeling or why something is hard can be a game changer.

Calmly, reflect your child’s feelings back to them when they are escalated. Use short words like ‘mad, you are mad, you are so mad’. After reflecting back, offer to do a coping technique with them. Coping techniques such as a firm, long hug or having them engage in some movement are good options.

 

3. Provide “just right” accommodations to decrease meltdowns and tantrums

 

While you do not want to accommodate too much, you do want to make sure you are supportive to your child’s needs. This means you provide just enough support to stretch your child into building their coping and self-regulation skills. For example, you may begin a hard task together and slowly remove yourself over time.

For anxiety and fear, while you do not want to create too much stress, the ultimate goal will be to show your child that they can be uncomfortable and still be okay. This is how you build up their confidence and resilience and reduce tantrums.

Always start with little steps towards your goal since going too fast can make your child resist and throw tantrums. If you want to learn more about how to do this with your child, check out my 3 Ways to Help Your Child with Anxiety.

For sensory sensitivities, accommodations are usually necessary. Like anxiety, the goal is to help them learn to build up tolerance so they can function better in their lives. Because sensory sensitivities can be complex and span all 8 senses, it can be very helpful to figure out what specific things your child is sensitive to and if necessary work with an occupational therapist to make progress.

 

Final Thoughts

 

All behavior is communication. If you listen to what your child’s behavior is trying to communicate you can get to the root cause. Once you know their motive, you can parent from a better, more effective place. It also allows you to view your child in a different light and meet them with compassion and patience. And when you do that, challenging behaviors lessen dramatically.

If you need help implementing these tips or customizing solutions for your child, reach out to me. I offer free 30 minute consultations where we will dive right into solutions for you and your family.

 

How to Heal Child Trauma: A Parent’s Guide to Nurturing Resilience

How to Heal Child Trauma: A Parent’s Guide to Nurturing Resilience

How to Heal Child Trauma

A Parent’s Guide to Nurturing Resilience

help child heal trauma through parent coaching

Experiences in Resilience Are Key To Helping Your Child Heal From Trauma

 

My youngest had a skiing accident in January of 2023 that resulted in a traumatic brain injury. Recovery was slow, but in January 2024 we practiced our final step of healing. Not from the bodily injury which luckily they have recovered from, but from the emotional one. The traumatic one. We returned to where the accident happened and we tried skiing again.

There were times when my child felt scared, but we talked and hugged and I encouraged them to move past their fear to experience what they were capable of because I knew they were ready for this. And then we went slow and we skied together.

 

In short we had a lesson in resilience

 

And 3 hours later I couldn’t pull my child off the hill because they were having so much fun. And they were no longer skiing close to me, they wanted to do it on their own. They had experienced so much confidence building.

But the best part as a parent was that my child experienced resilience. The idea that sometimes in life, bad things happen. But it does not mean it stays like that forever. A child can overcome their fears and teach their body a new experience that helps to override the old. In short, a child can help themselves heal trauma.

Childhood trauma can occur in many different ways

 

Physical trauma to the body is just one of the many ways children can experience childhood trauma. But a lot of the time, the trauma that occurs in childhood is not visible by a physical accident. A lot of child trauma is the result of mental or emotional trauma. And you may not always know your child has gone through trauma until you start to notice new behaviors as part of their trauma response.

Because the truth is, trauma is not always a really big event. It can be a lot of little events that add up over time. Or it may be one event, but where you did not realize it was a significant event to your child because it did not impact you the same way. In fact, trauma can result from any stressful event. Sometimes it is from a bunch of little criticisms or dismissals. Other times the event is big or prolonged. But the key to something creating trauma in your child is that the event, big or small, short or long, was something that created significant stress in the child where things felt overwhelming and unpredictable. It is that feeling of extreme stress and unpredictability that creates child trauma. But the good news is you can help heal child trauma through resilience.

 

When you want to help heal child trauma through resilience, do the following:

1. Make sure you acknowledge and validate their feelings

Your child’s body is trying to keep them safe based on their past experience so it can produce some big and overwhelming feelings. Don’t gloss over those feelings, help your child to recognize them and where they may be coming from. And help them to co-regulate so those feelings don’t feel so overwhelming.

2. Help your child by letting them borrow your confidence

Your child will have doubts about trying something they feel is too hard or too scary. This is natural. Their body is trying to protect them from more trauma. Your job is to let them know you have confidence in them and that you believe they are ready so they can begin to believe it as well.

3. Go slow

It’s not about conquering it all. It is about helping your child stretch their tolerance while making them successful. Let them help guide the pace. Sometimes that means it is a small step in the direction of healing. And that is just fine. Keep having them take those small steps and they will get there.

The truth is my goal was to get my child back out to the same hill and onto skis. I was planning to spend the entire time on the bunny hill with them. And I was prepared to take a lot of breaks in the chalet.

And that slow approach with low expectations gave my child the chance to set their pace. It was my child that wanted to slowly do more and begin doing the bigger runs. Which is why it was so impactful because my child was leading their own trauma healing.

Final Thoughts On Healing Child Trauma

 

While trauma itself is never fully erased from the body, your goal is to create an experience to overshadow it. Something to remember if past trauma sparks an emotional response. Because that will happen from time to time with trauma. But the more experiences in resilience you can support, the more your child will be able to better manage their trauma response.

Finally, helping a child who has experienced trauma can be overwhelming sometimes. Some kids have very physical and aggressive behaviors because of the child trauma they have experienced. If you have a child with trauma that you are struggling to parent, reach out for help. I offer free consultations and all of my parenting techniques are trauma-informed to help aid healing in both you and your child.

Navigating the Unique Journey of Parenting a Neurodivergent Child

Navigating the Unique Journey of Parenting a Neurodivergent Child

Navigating the Unique Journey of Parenting a Neurodivergent Child

Parenting special needs children takes a different set of parenting tools.

If you are a parenting a neurodivergent child, you know it can be a hard road. You deal with challenges other parents do not need to face. You know typical parenting does not work, but you may not know what you should do instead. Parenting children who have autism, ADHD or other learning disabilities requires special parenting. With a little observation and work your parenting can become easier.

4 Tips for parenting your child who has neurodiversity or trauma

1. View neurodiversity and trauma as a culture

You would not travel to another part of the world and expect them to act like an American. Nor would you be surprised when the people in another country acted in very different ways. You would automatically assume the difference was due to culture. In fact, you might even adopt some of the behaviors and language to try to fit in or show respect.

Neurodiversity and trauma are the same as visiting a new country. They should be treated as a culture. Neurodiversity and trauma both come with their own way of doing things. Both behave in a way to meet their needs.

And just as you would try to learn about a country’s culture, you should learn more about your child’s culture. Each neurodiverse child and child who has trauma is unique. How they react in different circumstances and their personal challenges are unique. But it does not mean that you cannot learn how to best interact with them. Learn what accommodations are the most helpful to them and what their limits are.

Often our children who are neurodiverse or have trauma are expected to fit in to our typical culture. Challenge yourself to meet your child half way. You will both be a lot more successful and you will have less behavior problems from your child.

2. Learn how your child communicates

Get curious and find out what is their why. Why do they act the way they do? It may seem like quirkiness or out of the blue, but all behavior has a reason why it occurs. Here are some examples for why behavior occurs.

Many children with neurodiversity or trauma struggle with eye contact. For children with neurodiversity it may be too distracting or intense. For children with trauma eye contact can feel too vulnerable.

Does your child have repetitive movements? Remember, these are things children do to cope and self-regulate in their environment. It’s what they do when they are feeling overwhelmed. If you want your child to reduce their repetitive movements you must first understand what is causing them stress. Changing the environment to better meet their needs can lead to less of a need to self-regulate.

Does your child have an intense need for movement? Movement and learning are intertwined in all of us, but especially in children. When we try to separate them, some children can’t figure out how to stop the motion while keeping their brain engaged. So they either need regular movement breaks or a way to stay moving while engaging.

By figuring out the why for your child’s behavior, you can better adjust your expectations. This will lead you to understand what your child can or cannot do. You can also plan in advance to help your child be more successful.

3. Learn how your child shows you their love

Neurodiverse kids and kids with trauma may have big and extreme behaviors. This makes parenting especially difficult because we tend to take the behavior personally. Especially when their behavior is extreme and includes physical violence or destruction.

But when things are calm, do you know all the ways your child shows they care for you? Take this week to write down when you notice your child being kind to yourself or another family member. Did they do something without being asked? Did they climb into your lap to be close? Did they do something that made your life a little easier?

Their big behaviors may eclipse the good times. They may not show their love in neurotypical or non-trauma ways. But that does not mean it is not there. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves to look at their love from their eyes.

4. Understand your child’s need for rest & recovery

When a child with neurodiversity or trauma experiences an intense or prolonged activity it can be exhausting. And this exhaustion can lead to meltdowns or withdrawal. Even if they enjoyed the activity.

This result is because participation in the activity required them to use a lot of mental effort. They may have been masking, dealing with sensory input & overload, having to do more manual processing of data and emotions because of how their brain is wired, or navigating a heightened state of stress, just to name a few.

So this may mean your child needs lots of breaks or they need big resting periods after an activity. It might also mean that there are some activities that your child cannot do because they are too taxing. Not knowing the mental effort needed for an activity or the need for rest can result in meltdowns and withdrawal.

Keep a record of what activities your child can handle and which ones are a no go. If it is a no go, don’t try to force your child to do it. If you absolutely need to do it, then have a plan for bailing when your child indicates they are done.

It is also important to find your child’s activity to rest ratio. This will keep you from over scheduling your child and help prevent behavior issues. You can also help your older child take notice of what they respond well to and what they do not. This will help them learn to advocate for their needs.

Triggered by Your Child: Finding Hope Through Actionable Steps

Triggered by Your Child: Finding Hope Through Actionable Steps

journ, h

Triggered by Your Child?

Finding Hope Through Actionable Steps

When your childs challenging behavior triggers your rage_parent coaching can help solve difficult behaviors

Are you a parent triggered by your child?

 

No one can push your buttons the way your child does. But for some parents, interactions can feel more overwhelming because your child not only pushes your buttons, but triggers uncontrollable reactions in you.

When a parent feels triggered it can come out as anger or shutting down. It may feel like you have a shorter fuse and that you explode more or become aggressive. Sometimes it comes out as avoidance. Feeling like you can’t stand to be in the same physical space as your child or interact with them. And sometimes it comes out as giving in or giving up. Feeling like you can’t possibly win. Feeling so exhausted you question if you can do anything right so you simply chose to do nothing.

No matter how you react, the end result is the same. You feel like you are failing as a parent. Like parenting is incredibly hard and frustrating. And often times it leads you to feel like you don’t want to be a parent to your child. Or that you do not like your child.

And then you have the guilt for your thoughts and your actions. And you feel alone because no one else seems to have these struggles like you.

 

You are not alone

 

I know that feeling because it is a feeling I used to get a lot when my eldest was young. For me, my child triggered my anxiety. Whenever they began to spiral I could feel my anxiety rising. And as a result I would try to control the environment to keep my child from becoming triggered. Because it was the only way I thought I could keep myself from becoming triggered.

Because when I became triggered I became angry. And when I was angry I was not the parent I wanted to be. And my child, who was struggling with their own anxiety and overwhelm, could not have access to the regulated parent they needed in those moments.

I knew I was not helping my child and that I was hurting our relationship. But I couldn’t figure out how to not get triggered by my child. And for me, I felt very upset and defeated after I was triggered. Because before I had my eldest I was laid back and handled pressure well. I couldn’t figure out how I had gotten to this point of dreading my child’s reactions or how to break the cycle.

So what did I do? Well it took some time to recognize that my child was actually a trigger for me. That it was more than just getting on my nerves or pushing my buttons. They were causing a very intense, uncontrollable reaction in me. And that because of that reaction and how much I dreaded it, I was doing a lot to try to avoid or minimize my child’s triggers. But what I did not discover until later was that all the work I was doing was actually making things worse.

Once I realized I was being triggered I needed to reflect on how I wanted to live and parent. I took a hard look at how I was parenting. And I realized that I was putting a lot of effort in, but not getting the results I wanted. In short, I was doing a lot of accommodations, but still being triggered a lot of the time.

That caused me to realize that if I wanted something to be different I was going to have to do something different. Because what I was doing was not working for my child or for me.

 

A place for hope

 

Being triggered by your child does not make you a bad parent. But it does make parenting harder. A lot harder. So if your child is triggering you, you are not alone. And while it can be a good idea to work with a therapist or counselor to discover why you become triggered, this article is about the things you can do right now to break free from being triggered by your child.

These things all take time, so give yourself some grace and understanding. Behaviors don’t change overnight. Just keep showing up and doing the work. That is how you make changes.

 

Breaking Free of Being Triggered By Your Child

 

1. Understand your body’s reaction – it is not just in your head

 

Your body is having a biological reaction to your child’s behaviors. When your child has a big reaction or you have an intense memory of how your child reacted the last time, your fear center becomes triggered. This is a normal reaction anytime you experience someone’s anger or when you feel threatened.

When your fear is triggered, you react in a very biological way. Your survival instincts kick in and that means your thinking brain shuts off. So you have a harder time regulating yourself. Meaning you are much more likely to escalate up right along with your child who is upset.

So how do you interrupt this biological reaction?

You need to remember to practice coping techniques. If you are becoming triggered you need to take care of yourself first. Regaining your calm is necessary to be able to effectively calm down your child. Try removing yourself temporarily from the room if it is safe for your child, and do something with your hands, like a sorting activity to help your brain shift out of it’s current mode. You can also try taking deep breaths or naming your feelings, however breathing and naming your feelings can be harder tools to use when you are beginning this process.

By practicing coping techniques you can regain control over your body’s reaction and bring your thinking brain back online. Once you are able to think again it becomes easier to problem solve solutions to help your child as well.

 

2. Understand it may not be your child who is causing you to be triggered – it may be you

 

When your child hits certain milestones or ages, it is natural for you to remember your childhood at that age. Depending on your experience, your family interactions or how you felt at that time it may cause old feelings and trauma to resurface.

And what a lot of people don’t know is that trauma can be caused by both big and small events. And it varies from individual to individual. Trauma can be caused by invalidations or criticisms that get repeated over and over, often without anyone being aware that any harm was being done. In short, trauma is based on your individual response to an event that you found overwhelming and that you could not fully process. So it is not uncommon for your parenting to bring up trauma that you did not know existed.

That is why when your child behaves a certain way or reminds you of when you were young, your childhood feelings reemerge. And the tricky thing about trauma is it blends time together. What happened in the past and how you felt gets mixed with what is happening now and how you feel now. Making it hard to realize your emotions and triggers are coming from the past.

So how do you move past a trauma you didn’t even realize you had? This is where mindfulness, journaling, yoga or Qigong can help. Each of these tools helps you to breathe and focus on the present moment. And when you can breathe and bring awareness to how your body feels in the present moment you can begin to separate out the past from the present. Yoga and Qigong can be especially helpful if your body needs movement in order to focus on the present.

By practicing a form of mindfulness you are creating space to notice and question your feelings. What are you feeling? Why might you be feeling this? And when you can answer these questions you can then make an intentional decision about how you are going to proceed. And that ability to be intentional has the power to change your interactions with your child and their interactions with you.

 

3. Instead of avoiding being triggered, work on interrupting your triggers

 

It is easy to get into the habit of trying to avoid your child during certain time periods or events. Or to bend over backwards creating accommodations in hopes that your child will not trigger you. And it is easy to say you are doing it to keep the peace and make things easier for everyone. But it’s time to ask yourself if it really is easier.

Chances are your avoidance is leading to more behavior issues because kids tend to escalate behaviors if they feel they are being ignored. Or you are actually spending a lot of your time and energy on making accommodations, with little results.

So what can you do?

Practice the STOP mantra. When your child is escalating and you feel like you are going to escalate right along with them 1. Stop 2. Take 3 deep breaths 3. Observe what you are feeling and 4. Proceed with intent.

The importance of breaking the avoidance habit is because avoidance is not a long term solution. Emotions that are not dealt with do not go away on their own. They usually resurface later with more intensity. The key to moving past your emotions is noticing what you are feeling. And moving past your emotions is critical to forming new behaviors for you and your child.

 

4. Choose to practice empathy and compassion for both your child and yourself

 

When you become triggered as a parent, parenting gets 10x harder. So acknowledge your struggle. Tell yourself that this is really hard right now. And tell yourself you are doing the best you can right now. Practicing this kind of self-compassion can help you shed any guilt or shame you are piling on top of yourself. It also lets you experience a little kindness when you need it most.

But don’t forget about your child. It may be hard to do as your child is triggering you, but remember they are a child. They are not trying to make you upset. They are trying to communicate they are struggling and that they need help. It’s just neither of you are at your best right now.

Remind yourself of these things and you will find you are able to be more empathetic to your child. And empathy leads to connection, understanding and patience. All of which help resolve behavior challenges faster.

 

5. Work on repairing your relationship after you have been triggered

 

No parent is perfect. All parents yell. All parents have said something to their child they later regret. What happens during an escalation doesn’t matter nearly as much as what happens after the event.

Repairing is the act of acknowledging your actions and making amends for them. In order to do this, you need to acknowledge your part in the escalation. This means you let your child know how you were feeling, why you reacted the way you did and how you could have done better.

Repairing is critical. Not only does it teach your child valuable relationship skills, but it helps you put your emotions and reactions into context so you can recognize and learn from them. It helps to create awareness and accountability, which can help you change your future responses.

Repairing also helps protect your child from trauma because it gives them a chance to process their feelings and emotions about an event.

Final Thoughts

 

Parenting is never easy. Especially if your child triggers uncontrollable emotions in you. But becoming triggered is something you can change.

If you are triggered by your child and need help or support, I invite you to schedule a free 30 minute chat to talk about how parent coaching can help support you and your child.

Talking to Kids About Violence

Talking to Kids About Violence

Talking to Kids About Violence

Having tough talks with your child is necessary to help your child feel safe

 

Talking to kids about tough topics such as violence, racism, and death are never easy. But age appropriate talks are necessary to make sure your child feels safe.

Here are parenting tips on how to talk with your child about violence and other tough conversations.

 

How to talk to your child about violence

 

Step 1

 

Figure out your feelings first. It is okay to be upset and to let your child know you are upset. Talk with your child calmly about the events to give your child space to feel safe and ask questions.

If you get too emotional, take a break. Let your child know you are upset and are feeling overwhelmed by your feelings. Model how you can calm those feelings of overwhelm and emotion in a healthy way. This could be going for a walk, deep breathing,  journaling or asking for a hug.

 

Step 2

 

Let your child guide the conversation by asking questions.

Young kids may only hear snippets of what is going on or view images that are flashing on screens. Naturally, a child will try to form a story of what they see and hear to make sense of their world. When adults do not talk with young kids, they can make up something worse than what has happened. This can escalate a child’s feelings of fear and insecurity.

So take the time to ask your child what they think is going on and allow them to ask questions. It’s okay if you do not know all the answers. Correct any misinformation your child shares with you. And then be honest if you do not know something, but reassure them of their safety with you.

For older kids, talk about the importance of making sure information is correct. It can also help to talk about how to find good sources for information as well as what images are appropriate for them to view. Ask questions about what they have seen and ensure you talk about healthy mental health habits for limiting their exposure to upsetting topics and images.

 

Step 3

 

And don’t forget to talk about your child’s fears and feelings. This helps your child process their feelings and also allows you to know how impacted they may be by the event that has occurred. 

Validate their feelings and share your feelings as well. Normalizing your child’s feelings and modeling an openness of sharing feelings helps to promote resilience.

 

Step 4

 

Let your child know they can ask questions and share their feelings with you at any time.

It is rare that a big or disturbing event like violence is a one and done conversation. Your child may need a few conversations to fully process the event. So leaving an open invitation to talk or asking them later if they have any more questions can provide the outlet your child needs.

 

More tips for talking to kids

 

Help your child feel safe

 

As a parent you may feel ill equipped to talk about the violence that has occurred. But luckily most kids just want to know they are going to be safe.

So talk to your child about any safety plans that exist to help keep them safe. And if you don’t have a safety plan, use this as the time to create one with your child. Make sure they know who they can contact or go to during an emergency and how you will be reunited afterwards.

Keep an eye out for changes in behavior

 

Kids don’t often express in words when they feel stressed or that something is bothering them. Instead it comes out in the way they behave, play, sleep or eat.

So keep a watchful eye out for changes in these areas. If your child is having trouble sleeping, separating from you to go to sleep, not eating, becoming aggressive or clingy or repeating a violent scenario in their play, there is a good chance they are struggling. Circle back to them using the above parenting tips on how to talk to your child about violence.

And if you feel out of your depth or these behaviors do not begin to improve after a couple of days, seek help.

 

Limit exposure to media, social media and images

 

Setting up more restrictions to what your child views in videos, social media feeds or TV can help to reduce your child’s exposure to violent images and hateful speech that may greatly impact them. Let your child know this restriction is about protecting their mental health as well as what they should do if they accidentally stumble into media that is not appropriate for them.

 

Use it as a teaching moment

 

Talk about how others might not be safe, or feel safe, and what you can do to help support them. It is important to always reassure your child that you will work to keep them safe.

Talk about any good things that come from the event to show hope and resiliency. This lets your child know that bad things sometimes happen, but good things can come out of bad things. And that there are good people in the world that are around to help make things better again. This helps kids know that things do not stay bad for forever.

 

Resources for talking to kids about violence