Boosting Teen Mental Health: 3 Parenting Power Moves

Boosting Teen Mental Health: 3 Parenting Power Moves

Boosting Teen Mental Health:

3 Parenting Power Moves

Parents can help their teenagers mental health thru modeling self care and talking about feelings.


Let’s talk teen mental health. Teenage brains are wired to seek new experiences, master skills, and create relationships. Developmentally, this is what is needed for teenagers to grow into independence and adulthood. But when teens struggle with anxiety, depression or other mental health struggles, it can negatively impact their ability to seek out these needed experiences.

Your pre-teen or teen may be experiencing these mental health struggles for the first time. Or your child may have been struggling with their mental wellness for a while, but now it is becoming a more severe or frequent occurrence. So let’s dive into how you can boost your teen’s mental health.


How do you know when to worry as a parent?


When your teenager’s daily life is affected by their mental health strugges, such as anxiety or depression, its time to start paying attention. Everyone experiences big ups and downs sometimes. And it is normal for your teen to pull back from life for a short period of time while they process their feelings or regroup.

But when your teen is withdrawing for more than a couple of days it is a red flag. It is also a red flag if they are no longer able to function in their daily life the way they used to. An example is when your teen refuses to go to school or begins to miss more and more school. These red flags let you know it is time to intervene with help to improve your teen’s mental health.


What does ‘no longer being able to function’ look like?


Think of functioning as the everyday things you do to navigate life. Like sleeping, eating, taking care of your body, attending school, maintaining relationships, finding enjoyment in activities, etc. If your teenager has stopped doing these things it’s time to check in with them to see what’s up.


Let’s talk about sleep


Sleep affects a teenager’s ability to learn, make good decisions and develop emotionally. Too little sleep will negatively impact your teen’s mental health and functioning. When a teen is struggling with their mental health, sleep is one of the first places to look.

Having said that, it is normal for teenagers to change their sleep habits during the pre-teen and teen years.

Most will turn into night owls, due to changes affecting their circadian rhythm. These changes are due to development, which produce a slower building sleep drive. These changes also cause their bodies to delay making melatonin (the body’s natural sleeping aid).

So naturally, teenagers stay up later and want to sleep in later.

It is also normal for teenagers to catch up on their sleep during the weekend. This is usually due to them sleeping too little during the week and their body trying to capture the lost hours.

If your teen is struggling with their mental health, help them keep track of how much sleep they are getting. If your teen is not getting 8-10 hours of sleep per night, work with them to make their sleep health a priority.

If your teenager is sleeping too much, where they are missing out on life, it is usually a sign they are out of balance. Helping your teenager re-engage in life and finding professional help can help.


More red flags


  • Your teenager has a theme of anxious or depressive thoughts in all they do.
  • Your teenager has increased their negative self-talk (i.e. this is never going to end, what’s the point, I hate myself).
  • Your teenager indicates they are powerless in how they feel or in creating change for how they feel.

If your child mentions self-harm or taking their life, always treat it seriously. Try talking with them to let them know you are there for connection and help. If they don’t want to talk with you, see my Teen Resources for numbers and resources so they can talk with someone else.


What can you do as a parent to help your teen’s mental health?


Let’s face it, sometimes it is hard to get your teenager to address their mental wellness. Sometimes it is hard to find help because waitlists are long and the ‘right fit’ can take a long time to find. But there are ways you can help at home.


1. Practice your own self-care.


Your teens are watching everything you do, even if they pretend to ignore you. If you model getting up, showered and dressed everyday it does plant seeds in your teenager’s mind.

Invite your teenager to join you in your self-care. Ask them to go for a walk with you, take deep breaths with you or do mindfulness with you.

Your teen may deny your request depending on how stuck they are, but don’t give up. Keep asking them and if you can, do your self-care around them so they can always join in.

Gratitude is an easy way to invite your teen to start practicing self-care. At a meal ask everyone to say what they are grateful for. Even if they say they are grateful for going back to their room after dinner, it is a start.

Consistency is key so keep trying even if it does not seem to be working. At the very least you will feel better, which will help you when interacting with your teenager.


2. Teach your teen self-compassion


This may be a hard one for your teenager at first, but again modeling it can have a huge impact. Ask them to talk to themselves as though they were their best friend.

Take it in little steps. In the beginning, act as their regulator. When you hear them say something harsh to themselves, go over and give them a hug if they will let you. Then say ‘I’m sorry that was so harsh, that must have been hard to hear’. Even if they don’t want the hug, say the words so they can hear your compassion.

Next, encourage them to refrain from saying the negative talk to themselves. Ask them if they would say that to their friend and remind them to treat themselves the same.

And finally, teach them to practice compassion with themselves. Teach them to say, ‘this is hard, it’s okay to feel bad because it is so hard, everyone has hard times from time to time’.

Kristin Neff, a leader in self-compassion research, has many short compassion exercises on her website. Share them with your teenager so they can do them when they want. Or better yet, do them together!


3. Validate your Teen’s Feelings


Anxiety and depression can feel very isolating, like no one else understands or feels like we do. But a parent has the power to break through these feelings by listening and reflecting.

Give your teenager lots of chances to talk. Teenagers don’t always want a face to face talk, so a car ride, walk or dark room can provide the safe space for them to open up.

Next, let them say anything. This means they should be doing 90% of the talking. Your job is to sit there and listen. Every once in a while repeat back what you heard. For example, ‘it feels like this is never going to end’ or ‘it feels like there is no point in getting up’.

Don’t judge what they say, try to make things better, or problem solve.

Just listen and repeat.

If you feel like you are getting upset listening to them, ask them to take a break. Model what to do when you start to get upset. Say you want to hear more, but you are feeling upset and you don’t want to say the wrong thing. Then say you need to take a break and you will come back to finish the talk in a few minutes.

Make sure you let your teenager know you are coming back and commit to it by scheduling a time. This will keep you accountable and will build their trust in you.

If you can, invite them to take a walk with you or do a short activity with you during the break. That way you are keeping the connection and modeling how to cope. As an added bonus, you are getting both of you to focus on something other than their anxiety or depression.


Final thoughts on teen mental health


Navigating the teenage years can be difficult even without added mental health challenges. But your teenager does not need to suffer, and you can help. Sometimes these strategies are enough and sometimes your child will need more help. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help for your child or yourself so each of you have support while you work your way back to mental wellness and balance.

If you need parenting support, you may reach out and schedule a free 30 minute consultation and we can discuss additional strategies and other sources for support.

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Talking to Teens: How to Have Open Conversations about Alcohol & Drug Use

Talking to Teens: How to Have Open Conversations about Alcohol & Drug Use

Talking to Teens: How to Have Open Conversations about Alcohol & Drug Use


From marijuana to alcohol to prescription drugs – Here’s how to help keep your child safe


Teen alcohol and drug use happens. These 7 tips will help you keep them safe.


Helping your child navigate alcohol and drug use begins with having conversations. Pick a calm time to talk with them. And know that sometimes it is easiest to have your conversation in the car or side by side, when your teen does not need to look directly at you.


While setting up the conversation as stated above is great, regardless of how you get into the conversation, remember to let your teen talk first. It will help them feel heard and it will make them more likely to listen to you later. But here is the most important tip… make sure you do not argue or try to logic with them during their turn. Instead, parrot back to them their ideas and opinions. It does not mean you agree with them, but it helps them to feel heard. And that will ultimately increase your teen’s likelihood that they will listen to you.


Once it is your turn to talk, here are 7 tips to help increase your influence in your teen’s behavior.


1. Talk with them about how you feel about them using alcohol, marijuana and other drugs

This is a good time to share personal stories. Stories can show why you feel the way you feel or the problems you are hoping they will avoid.

2. Be specific about why you do not want them to use alcohol, marijuana and other drugs

Explain your concerns and fears and open the conversation to have them give their take on it as well. Make sure you are giving them enough space to ask questions and give their opinions. They will be much more likely to listen to your opinion and accept it if you do the same for them.

3. Talk about different substances

You don’t have to be an expert. But it is a good idea to have an idea of some of the major substances such as alcohol, marijuana, vapes, fentanyl, and prescription drugs. Check out Project Know to find out more about the most common substances teenagers use. You can also check out my article on vaping to get more tips on how to start a conversation with your child or teen.

4. Don’t forget to talk about over-the-counter medications and “natural” remedies

Teenagers rarely think of prescription drugs or legal substances as harmful. This can lead to unwanted consequences and addiction. Make sure you talk about the dangers of sharing prescribed drugs. It is also important to talk about how “natural” and/or legal does not automatically mean safe. One such example is kratom.

5. Make sure you have regular conversations about substance use throughout the year

Talk before major events where alcohol, marijuana, vapes and other substances are likely to be available. Regular chats help lessen any awkwardness and keeps communication open. It also reminds your teenager of your values on a regular basis.

6. Talk about what to do in various circumstances

Preparing your teenager for the pressures they will face is important. Talk about the signs of alcohol poisoning and the dangers of drinking and driving. It is also important to talk about the risk of mixing substances. And how they may not always know everything they are ingesting when they choose to take drugs or alcohol. Talking about fentanyl and “date rape drugs” regardless of your child’s gender is incredibly important for them to understand the dangers they are opening themselves up to when interacting in an environment that has alcohol and drugs present.

You should also discuss their vulnerability to others overall when consuming substances and how to navigate peer pressure. This video on teen brains can help them understand it’s not about a lack of trust in them personally, but peer pressure impacts the teenage brain more so they need to be prepared.

Give your teenager different scenarios and a chance to problem solve it with you as their guide. The more confidence you can give them ahead of time, the more likely they will make better decisions.

7. Let your teenager know that there will be no punishment for calling for help if they use substances

Talk about how to get help and when to get help. Everyone makes a mistake at some point so it is important to talk about back-up plans.

Supporting Teenagers – Resources For Teens

Supporting Teenagers – Resources For Teens

Supporting Teenagers

Resources for Teens

Check out these resources for supporting teenagers

One of the hardest parts about raising and supporting teenagers is not being able to protect them all of the time. Making sure your teenager is well educated when it comes to their relationships with peers and how to find help will better prepare them and help keep them safe.

Inclusive Sex & Health Education

Doing It Right by Bronwen Pardes – A book about sex, staying safe and making good choices.

All About S.E.X: The Scarleteen Book by Heather Corinna – A book that covers just about everything from anatomy and body image, to gender and sexual orientation to safe sex, relationships and consent.

Scarleteen – Using their own words: Providing inclusive, comprehensive, supportive sexuality and relationship info to teens and emerging adults.

Sex, etc – Sex education for teens by teens. It also has a very robust sex term dictionary.

Avert – Providing comprehensive information about HIV/AIDS as well as other STIs, how to have healthy, safe sex as well as a special section for first time sex stories.

they2ze app – Articles, health resources and tools specifically geared towards transgender individuals.

Abuse Prevention & Support

Aspire News App – This app appears on your phone as a generic news app in case an abuser is monitoring your phone, however the “help” section allows the user to access domestic violence help and has a function that allows the user to send audio and written messages to police.

Circle of 6 – An app that allows you to send out a call for help without drawing attention to it. It sends the same help message, including your GPS location, to all 6 people you have designated in your contacts.

National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline – Call 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. You can also visit their website for a live chat.

One Love – Call 1-866-331-9474 or text “loveis” to the same number for support and help with an unhealthy relationship. A peer advocate will help the user identify when they are in an unhealthy relationship, and if it is unsafe, how to create an action plan. Their website also offers tips on how to help a friend who may be in an unhealthy relationship.

Respect Effect – An app that teaches teens about dating violence and how to respect their partners, set boundaries and practice self-care.

StrongHearts Native Hotline – Call 1-844-762-8483. A confidential and anonymous culturally-appropriate domestic violence and dating violence helpline for Native Americans, available every day from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. CT.

That’ – Information, quizzes and resources for developing healthy relationships.

Mental Health and Crisis Support

Crisis Text Line – Text “Home” to 741741 – Teenagers and others can text in a crowded room or alone when they are struggling and get the same crisis intervention as other hotlines.

The Trevor Project – a crisis line for LGBTQ youth. Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678